OK, now that the riff raffs and scranglers are gone, let me talk to yall about something near and dear to my heart:
Strippers Tips
That's right I said that right......strippers................tips. It seems that some of you think that these tips are mandatory. I have news for you....................they're not. You tip a stripper just like you would tip your waitress. The only difference is you don't give her 15% of your bill because she's not serving your food. You give that 15% to your actual waitress, if there is one. Actually fuck that. If you go to a shake joint(strip club) and there ain't no waitresses you need to step your game up. If you're going to shake joints and you don't see a waitress, stop reading this and look for a new place to go. Now back on topic, the 15% is for your actual waitress. Everything else applies though. You tip the stripper according to how good you think her service is. Now you may be wondering, how can I tell if I'm getting good service or not? Well, honestly, that'll be up to you to decide. Basically, if a stripper is dancing in front of you and you think to yourself, "this is some good stripper service" then it's good service but if you think, "this is some lousy stripper service" then it's bad service. What if you don't have either of those thoughts when strippers dance in front of you though? Well then it gets a lil more complicated. In that case, you're gonna have to come up with an alternative means to judge the service that you're getting. There are all kinds of techniques you can use to judge this but the one I use most often is the Rock Hard Test.
The Rock Hard Test
Now as you probably guessed, The Rock Hard Test is a test of abs. What? Did you think I was talking about something else? Actually I am. I'm not gonna get too detailed about what The Rock Hard Test is because it can get too technical, especially for people with more common intellect, so I'll just explain it. Pretty much, when I walk into a shake joint, I make a mental note of my dick size when I walk in and sit down. This will be my gauge for the service that I'm getting. The stripper has to get my dick to rock hard before she gets her tip. Now my dick is no one's fool so it doesn't get rock hard for nothing. I've been fucking for a long time so it knows when something is about to happen and when it's just bullshit. For that reason, strippers at shake joints very rarely get tips from me. Remember, it's not mandatory. There just isn't enough physical contact to fool my dick. Now stripper parties are a different story. My dick gets fooled all the time at those. Hell, a few times at those I didn't even need The Rock Hard Test because I thought, "this is some excellent stripper service" which means the service was good. The only problem with stripper parties is that you can not go to too many in a short period of time. It may cause you to go broke. If you must go to stripper parties though, there is a way to make sure you manage your money so that you prevent yourself from going broke.
The Fish Stick Rule
If you ask anyone what is the right amount for a tip, most will tell you $1. You will have some that are ballin or think they are ballin and tell you $5 or above but the standard amount for a tip is $1. So let me ask you this, who set that standard? No one knows! They just know that $1 is the standard for a tip. Well I got news for you, I know who set that standard.........the strippers. Sometime in 10000 BC, a stripper was stripping on a rock and all she was getting was fruits, berries, meat, and all kinds of shit like that. She was fine with that because strippers got to eat, but one day she got smart and tried something. She got with one of her caveman friends and gave him a dollar and told him that if he gave her that dollar when he came in, she'd do a special dance for him. Well he did it and she did the special dance. The other cavemen saw this and quickly went out looking for dollars. The next thing you know, generations have passed and that dollar is still the standard for tipping strippers. I got news for you though, if people stop giving her dollars, she'll start back taking fruits, and berries and meats. Strippers still have to eat you know.
So here's what you do. You buy a box of some kind of frozen meat or something, I like fish sticks. You cook the whole box of fish sticks and take them to the shake joint with you on a off night sometime during the week. You find a girl that isn't getting a bunch of tips and you pull out the fish sticks. Now this stripper has a choice to make, she can either refuse the fish sticks and go hungry because she's not getting any tips or she can take the fish sticks so she can eat. It's a classic feast or famine decision that she has to make. Most strippers will take the fish sticks. You can use this at stripper parties too. Now here is the best part. Once she realize that you are feeding her, the next time you come in on that off night, she's gonna come to you and give you a special show for those fish sticks. Other guys are gonna see this and just like they did when they were cavemen, they're all gonna run out, but this time it will be to get fish sticks, not dollars. We will take back our dollars and strippers will eat again. Just imagine if all you had to do is go to the frozen food section before going to the shake joint. It'd be amazing, no more worrying about getting robbed at the ATM or giving a stripper a $10 that you thought was a $1 because you were drunk. The world would be a better place because of it.
Strippers Tips
That's right I said that right......strippers................tips. It seems that some of you think that these tips are mandatory. I have news for you....................they're not. You tip a stripper just like you would tip your waitress. The only difference is you don't give her 15% of your bill because she's not serving your food. You give that 15% to your actual waitress, if there is one. Actually fuck that. If you go to a shake joint(strip club) and there ain't no waitresses you need to step your game up. If you're going to shake joints and you don't see a waitress, stop reading this and look for a new place to go. Now back on topic, the 15% is for your actual waitress. Everything else applies though. You tip the stripper according to how good you think her service is. Now you may be wondering, how can I tell if I'm getting good service or not? Well, honestly, that'll be up to you to decide. Basically, if a stripper is dancing in front of you and you think to yourself, "this is some good stripper service" then it's good service but if you think, "this is some lousy stripper service" then it's bad service. What if you don't have either of those thoughts when strippers dance in front of you though? Well then it gets a lil more complicated. In that case, you're gonna have to come up with an alternative means to judge the service that you're getting. There are all kinds of techniques you can use to judge this but the one I use most often is the Rock Hard Test.
The Rock Hard Test
Now as you probably guessed, The Rock Hard Test is a test of abs. What? Did you think I was talking about something else? Actually I am. I'm not gonna get too detailed about what The Rock Hard Test is because it can get too technical, especially for people with more common intellect, so I'll just explain it. Pretty much, when I walk into a shake joint, I make a mental note of my dick size when I walk in and sit down. This will be my gauge for the service that I'm getting. The stripper has to get my dick to rock hard before she gets her tip. Now my dick is no one's fool so it doesn't get rock hard for nothing. I've been fucking for a long time so it knows when something is about to happen and when it's just bullshit. For that reason, strippers at shake joints very rarely get tips from me. Remember, it's not mandatory. There just isn't enough physical contact to fool my dick. Now stripper parties are a different story. My dick gets fooled all the time at those. Hell, a few times at those I didn't even need The Rock Hard Test because I thought, "this is some excellent stripper service" which means the service was good. The only problem with stripper parties is that you can not go to too many in a short period of time. It may cause you to go broke. If you must go to stripper parties though, there is a way to make sure you manage your money so that you prevent yourself from going broke.
The Fish Stick Rule
If you ask anyone what is the right amount for a tip, most will tell you $1. You will have some that are ballin or think they are ballin and tell you $5 or above but the standard amount for a tip is $1. So let me ask you this, who set that standard? No one knows! They just know that $1 is the standard for a tip. Well I got news for you, I know who set that standard.........the strippers. Sometime in 10000 BC, a stripper was stripping on a rock and all she was getting was fruits, berries, meat, and all kinds of shit like that. She was fine with that because strippers got to eat, but one day she got smart and tried something. She got with one of her caveman friends and gave him a dollar and told him that if he gave her that dollar when he came in, she'd do a special dance for him. Well he did it and she did the special dance. The other cavemen saw this and quickly went out looking for dollars. The next thing you know, generations have passed and that dollar is still the standard for tipping strippers. I got news for you though, if people stop giving her dollars, she'll start back taking fruits, and berries and meats. Strippers still have to eat you know.
So here's what you do. You buy a box of some kind of frozen meat or something, I like fish sticks. You cook the whole box of fish sticks and take them to the shake joint with you on a off night sometime during the week. You find a girl that isn't getting a bunch of tips and you pull out the fish sticks. Now this stripper has a choice to make, she can either refuse the fish sticks and go hungry because she's not getting any tips or she can take the fish sticks so she can eat. It's a classic feast or famine decision that she has to make. Most strippers will take the fish sticks. You can use this at stripper parties too. Now here is the best part. Once she realize that you are feeding her, the next time you come in on that off night, she's gonna come to you and give you a special show for those fish sticks. Other guys are gonna see this and just like they did when they were cavemen, they're all gonna run out, but this time it will be to get fish sticks, not dollars. We will take back our dollars and strippers will eat again. Just imagine if all you had to do is go to the frozen food section before going to the shake joint. It'd be amazing, no more worrying about getting robbed at the ATM or giving a stripper a $10 that you thought was a $1 because you were drunk. The world would be a better place because of it.
Last edited by splff3000 on Sat Apr 23, 2011 9:12 am; edited 1 time in total
